8 Mar , 2023

In the last few weeks

100% of our sessions and discussions

have been about the same topic, in one format or another

The same underlying theme exists to all of them

different people

different scenarios

different attitudes

different lifestyles

This morning, it couldn’t have been more obvious

A truly delicious individual sat before us and asked

“ How do you help someone who doesn’t want help? “

The short answer is…….

You don’t !

or more to the point

You CAN’T

Until someone decides for themselves to action their own change

(and you can always support their choices)

All you can do is lead by example

Be your best self

Show up as a willing participant

Focus on yourself

And we would ask you

“Why you feel it’s your job to save anyone”

Or

“Why is it taking your attention”

It’s just not possible

In fact it was always intended to be this way

It’s in the design of it all

And it’s not to be cruel

and it’s not to avoid responsibility

and it’s not selfish

and it’s not broken

and it’s not to make you powerless

It’s actually how it works best

You were just not taught this as you grew and developed

Till now

It’s in it’s infancy as a concept you attach yourselves to

You’ve been merrily living life

Making choices

Deciding what you want and what you don’t

Without truly understanding the real value of

Making your own choices

And it’s always been there

It will always be there

It’s just whether or not you’re paying attention

And owning your decisions

Everyone wants to decide for themselves

To make up their own mind

To select what suits them

To Choose

And that’s great

Until it’s not

And you want someone else to do the heavy lifting

Or take the blame

Or relieve you of any number of emotions you find uncomfortable

But while you’re in the slipstream

Where everything is fabulous

And you’ll make the same choice again and again without a care

Because it’s fabulous

You’re not giving any consideration to how you got there

Why it’s working

How to appreciate creating “all that” with ease and confidence

ON PURPOSE

Usually what brings you undone

Or stalls your happy

Is when you bump up against someone else who’s happy is different to yours

And you don’t like it

In fact, you want them to stop it, or change it

Because it doesn’t suit you

People,

You can do whatever you want

Whenever you want

BUT

So the F!#k can everyone else

It’s not an exclusive right

When you fail to respect that you are all in this together

while doing your own thing

You’ve shifted your focus from being responsible for yourself

To wanting to control others

And it doesn’t work

And it won’t work

If you’re not prepared to give up your right to choose

Why should anyone else

If you can’t respect that someone may not have the same agenda as you

Or that their needs are different to yours

Or that they matter as much as you do

Then you are 100% in a space of control

Now, it’s not your job to be responsible for them

That’s on them

Conversely, the same can be said for you

It’s on you to create and pursue your own happiness

And you won’t find it

Or sustain it

When you play the blame game

Consider yourself powerless

Think you have all the answers for all the people all the time

Or think it’s too hard

There is complete freedom in choice

There are no right or wrong options

There is only “right for you”

And “right for now”

We would sincerely like to help all of you

To assist in finding relief

And feeling better

The tricky part is this

Your angst

Your hurt

Your indecision

Your overwhelm

Your benevolence

Starts with you

Because as much as what you’re experiencing

Who you may believe this to be about…..

It starts and ends with you

Whatever you’re looking at 

Whoever it is you want to help

The only impact you can make

That’s in your control

And that’s sustainable

Is the change you action in yourself

That’s what personal choice is for

That’s what it’s all about

People, places, things, outside of you

reflect back to you

They show you where you put your efforts

What needs attention

And it will always be about you

When you see in others 

behaviour or circumstances

that cause you discomfort

This is a clear indication that there is work to do for yourself

When you can look at another and celebrate their joys with them

or just leave them to it 

or hold their hand as they struggle 

WITHOUT

feeling you need to fix something for them

Then

you truly understand the value of personal choice

And we know you think this is

F#$%ed

mean

callus

debilitating

selfish

crazy

unnecessary

cruel

We know this

Because you’ve told us

And we heard you

Thank you

And we would like to share

That as long as you feel this way

you are choosing to stay exactly where you are

We believe

With all that we are

That this is just how you see this for the moment

You have choices

There are options to your beliefs and your outlook

You can shift your thinking and in turn change all that exists

We know this to be possible

When you see another’s pain

You see one option

And this option you see is their choice at work

And you think that by joining them

You will make a difference

You are helping

You are simply deciding deliberately

to limit the options

To stop wanting more

To ignore the very real impact your choices can make

To really help

To really assist

To offer change

To create a better option

To lift them up

Be the reflection of hope

In all you can be, do ,or have, offer a vibration of unlimited possibility

Know that unless you deliberately hang on tight to what is occurring

It is not sustainable 

It cannot continue that way

If you let go 

If you explore other options

If you are willing to create change

If you stop resisting

And start allowing

Everything shifts

If you focus your attention on this person moving through this space of less 

Into something more

Because they choose it

Then you are truly part of the solution 

Matching their vibration

will never create something more than what you have going on

You are now, simply 2 people thinking and feeling limited, instead of 1

The only case where we would join someone and where they are at

Is if it feels good

Or it’s fun 

Look for ways to feel better

Stop playing out the worst case scenario

over and over 

Explore what you can do to feel differently

Question, if what you think is happening

Is actually what’s unfolding

Change your mind

Choose again

Ask yourself , why am I so bothered by what I think is happening

Your fear, your overwhelm, your confusion

Belongs to you

It’s in your control

It may not even be attached to the person you want to help

They have their own agenda

Their own reasons and choices going on

Just like you do

There is real power in owning your choices and assuming responsibility for who you are and how you show up

And none of it has anything to do with anybody else

Other peoples’ choices

Are actually none of your business

You are in charge of you

They are responsible for self also

If you truly want to share with someone else

Do it from a place of strength

Do it from a knowing that there are options

Do it from a feeling of calm and peace

Offer them that

BE the contrast they may desperately need in the moment

You cannot choose for them

They cannot choose for you

But you all offer alternatives

Options

CONTRAST in how it can be done

You cannot affect another’s life 

Lead by example

While you are focusing or giving attention to the outcome of another’s life

You are neglecting the most important relationship you will ever have

The one you have with yourself

The best version of who you are

The only way to affect or influence outside yourself 

Is to lead by example 

To be so “souly” focused on your own events and behaviour 

That your choices create clear contrast for others to notice or align with

This is true cause and effect

These are the choices you have purchase over

Your own

You cannot 

And will not

Affect others choices

In any other way 

Than by growing and attending to your own

You can never know what another’s learning is

You do not know their best path to access their greater good

You are not responsible for their choices

They do not belong to you

You cannot insert yourself in their lives as a version of them

You don’t know their learning

You can’t choose their path

You cannot be the best version of someone else

And you cannot experience or determine their “Aha” moments

That role is already filled

That spot is taken

Exactly as it is for you

It’s how it is

For all of you

If you can show up in life as the best possible version of yourself from moment to moment 

Your outer reflection is one of ease

Your presence creates peace 

And your essence is of freedom

Your vibration is a joy for life and an acceptance of all that is

You will show up as an organic unlimited version of all the good stuff

Someone who’s just BEING

In your wanting of more for someone else

Having desires, outside of your own

We would ask you to question why you would want that

Why their choices are making you uncomfortable 

That’s what you have control over

That’s where your attention would best be placed

Be curious about your own limitations

Why you need another to change in order to please you

There is no reverse of Contrast

You viewing or choosing change based on what you see outside yourself

Does not mean you get to decide or choose that others must accommodate your wants

That they must do things differently 

If you are the one experiencing the contrast

You are the one who must accommodate it to exercise change

Personal choice is affected and shaped by how you see the world

By the meanings you give to any and all experiences and action

Your beliefs and feelings

Are what guide you

They are the moral, emotional , spiritual and intellectual compass to your lives

And as much as there are those you will share

You will only ever experience them through your own lense

Your own unique bodies and minds

Your “sad” , may just be another’s “bliss”

So to attempt to choose for others is not only beyond the scope

It is pointless

If you choose to support and empower another

Or each other

You can do this by being the clearest, peaceful, joyful, open version of yourself possible

In this

You resonate unlimited 

You tune your attention to releasing the need to control your environment and those in it

You allow others any and all choices they choose to make for themselves 

You accept you are equal

And it is in this energy

That true alignment with all that is,  exists

And this is your absolute best position 

Your purest point of power

Please

Focus on the self

If you truly want to help each other

Much love

Hope